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foreword for 2024

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a year has passed by. have things changed as of late? they do. slowly but surely. like everyone else, life has been nothing short of busy especially when im looking forward to building up bits and pieces of my life. i met different kinds of people and fewer still stayed. not that a fight was involved but rather, people come and go as they naturally do with no animosity in between. i do not know if that amounts to maturity or maybe just clear indifference or maybe a bit of both. either way, it doesn't matter. what matters is that the sun will still rise tomorrow that is until God decides otherwise. been picking up on reading again although in a slower pace and more purposeful than previously done. purposeful because reading last time felt like a chore. it felt like a scoreboard that i needed to keep up with so that i could scratched off as many from my reading list. reading has lost its association with pastime and leisure. instead, it became pressure. and im trying to apply this v...
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to the people from my past

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a letter to the people from my past. if i have wronged you in any way, im very sorry. call me up and let me know what's up. i'll apologize and be on my way. if you have wronged me instead, please understand that i have forgiven you and moved on from it all. to the people ive wronged or wronged me, im letting you know all this because even if things have worked out between us, i do not wish to be acquainted to you no more. if you have left, do not come back. there's no turning away from this fact. we may make small talks but let it be known i have no interest to stay friends anymore. don't bother about me nor wishing things back to how it was, because it never will. if you have let me go, just let it be. understand that i do not mind and i do not bother to hold on to you as well.  this is not coming from a bitter place but rather an acceptance on my part. understand that my company is not a hotel lobby for you to come and go as you please. if you leave, by all means, lea...
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a forgotten chapter

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the calm and quiet. serenity in the sounds of soft breeze and rustling of leaves. alhamdulillah, the noise in my head had receded for the moment. it was during this quiet hour that i looked back fondly on times i've had with the people ive met the past year and the short time i get to know them all. little do they know that they inspired me with their young wild fires and their young spirits.  they reminded me of who i wanted to be and where i wanted to go for my old self had forgotten all about it. little do they know that they have encouraged me to be better and strive to make each day count. funny how i came not to make acquaintances yet that is what i gained instead.  we may not be of the same race, religion, age nor gender, but they inspired me just the same.  i re-learn how to be bold and to be a risk-taker and how to humbly remind myself there are always people better than i am. i re-learn that letting go of certain things are better than holding on to it. allah kn...
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a little spark

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im in a state of between wanting and refusing. of a forgotten dream or in search of a new one. some days when the world gets too much, the noise did not recede for days and i resided in a noisy state of chaos, caught up in the seemingly neverending mess. the pale world seems breaking at the seams and i desired for a new one. one where no one knows me nor even wishes to know me. it is true what they said, "nothing is ever enough, even if you satiate it, feed it, you will always be hungry for more." and now, i am hungry for more. life has been a little mundane and im in need of an exciting one. one that keeps me up, out and about. bobbing from one place to another. getting caught in where i set my sights on what i desperately seek. the longer i waited, the more impatient i've become. i felt time has slipped quietly by and im wasting more and more of it. but, patience is virtue and im bidding my time. for time is on my tide and it is time to hold on tight to it now. fool is ...
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late night thoughts

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a quiet life of just spending my days far away from the bustling city and the humans that reside within it. of days filled with waking up to chirping of birds and soft morning light. the early morning coffee brew while reading, just to catch the early rays of the sun. a little gardening in the early afternoon to make something for lunch and at the same time preparing for my evening solo camping. or if i feel like it, i'd head out to sea for some deep-sea fishing. then, get some late evening reading done or maybe some writing as well for the few readers i have. at night, ill go star-gazing and make notes about the constellations of stars that i see with my eyes.  of quiet life, far from humans whims and lies. i'm tired of it all. when the day comes, i'm wishing nothing but a quiet life in a glass house by the seaside. the serenity of being on my own without the fear of it being taken away. the security in solitude. oh, the peace it gives. having fun doing the things i do in ...
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how does sorrow feels?

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how does sorrow feels? it feels as if you are trapped in an endless, lonely, cold night, where everything has stopped to a standstill and only the sound of crickets keeping you company throughout. you try to seek comfort in their crickety sounds but the longer you listened to it, the lonelier u felt. on some worse days, you'd feel as if your world has collapsed in on you. the compression and tightness in your chest as you desperately looking around for any form of solace but failed to find any and ended up succumbed to feeling numb and sore from fighting. everything passes by you in a blur, as your brain decided to go auto-pilot mode on you.  you are looking but not really seeing, you are hearing but not really understanding. you are eating but not really fulfilling. your tears will fall, but rather than heart-felt cries, your tears are of the silent ones. you'd weep silently, almost noiselessly, all the while your face betraying your emotions. that's how i'd describe s...
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find your lighthouse

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why you do the things you do? survival? that's natural instinct. the things you do or guiding your principles (if you have any) must be something far greater than the prospects of money or fame. because if you only thrive on this two subjects in the equation of life, then let it be known that you will be running out of oil soon enough.  you will be tired of it and won't want anything to do with it. because nothing will ever be enough. no amount of money and no fame in the world will be enough for you. for as long as i can remember, i've always been a lover of seas and oceans. not the sandy beaches, but the deep blue. as much as im afraid what lies beneath the great blue, ive always been in awe of it.  if fate had been altered, i could've been working on a naval vessel far out at sea. or so i'd like to think i'd be, for that has always been a quiet dream of mine. for years, that dream was my lighthouse, guiding me in what i did. it was the reason why I did what I...
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